For my 38th birthday this year, I got me a $107.50 round trip flight on Allegiant Air and spent 3 days with family and friends in Utah. I arrived early on a Thursday and went to an endowment session at the Provo City Center temple with my parents. I attended Stake Conferences and other meetings in this building growing up, when it was the Provo Tabernacle. It was almost completely destroyed by fire in 2010, then re-built and re-dedicated in early 2016 as a temple. Here's the beautiful new building with Utah Valley's beautiful mountains in the background:
On Friday, I spent the day skiing at Sundance with my sister and two good friends. The conditions could not have been better--warm temperatures but lots of good snow--and I didn't get tired or sore like I thought I might.
After some BYU Bookstore time on Saturday, I rented snowshoes and tried them out with my sister in Provo Canyon. It was something I'd been wanting to do for awhile, and the short excursion on another warm, sunny day was an encouraging introduction.
I got a great massage later that day and loved hanging out with family and being responsible only for myself. 3rd Sister brought out a book called The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. 2nd Sister and I took the quiz at the beginning, and I skimmed the section based on my results, which suggested I take the amino acid supplement L-tyrosine to combat "the blahs" and improve mental clarity. I started taking one capsule a day in mid-March along with a capsule of Vitamin B6 as suggested in some of the Amazon reviews. Within about 3 days, I noticed I did have a brighter outlook, and there are times when I have been more clear-headed and even more outgoing.
I have a theory that most people over the age of 35 have a form of depression and/or anxiety that is noteworthy. Sometimes I'm relieved to be middle-aged--the teens and 20s can be so awkward and uncertain!--but the "gentle downward slope of disillusion" (from Steinbeck's The Pastures of Heaven) can make me feel I'm losing my grip. I'll have a day/hour when I feel I've totally got this! followed directly by a day/hour with a low-level hum of despair in the background, and I wonder if that will take over and people will soon say, "Remember how together Jennie used to be?"
At this point, I feel I can manage that latter feeling, and I've even been grateful for it as it's made me more empathetic. The L-tyrosine helps, as do these things:
-Exercise: I look at a brisk, 30+-minute walk as medicine. If I don't take it, things won't work so good. Similar activities count too, like pickleball, which I started playing in January.
-Music: I've mentioned listening to good music really helps me along. I also get a lot out of singing, specifically in church, although I don't like listening to church choirs or to church music at home. I actually have a really low tolerance for it.
-Piano: I am so grateful for my 8 years of piano lessons! I've played very little over the last dozen years what with caring for babies and/or living in apartment buildings, but now with more time to myself, I've gotten back to it a little and cannot believe how easily stress and annoyance can melt away from playing just one song. It's one of the reasons I'm committed to making my kids stick to lessons till they can play about like I can.
-Books: I've read at least a book or two per month since I was about 7 years old, and I feel incomplete if I don't have one in process. A habit I highly recommend is recording quotes that strike you from whatever source you read from. I put inspiring, devastating, hilarious, insightful, well-said quotes in a note on my phone, and reading over them can set me right.
-Hot water: if I was born in a time where hot water did not come out of the wall and into a tub inside my house, I would be a much less balanced person.
-My sister: it's really handy to chat with someone 4+ times a week with whom you have a lifetime of shared history and who has pretty much the same personality as you. I once got her a birthday card that said, "I don't need a therapist. I have my sister." Yes. I'm really fortunate to have many other family members and friends who understand me too.
-Writing: Hammering out thoughts on this blog is therapeutic and makes me feel kinda immortal. I'll die someday, but part of me won't if someone can read this.
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Spirituality: Being a Mormon can wear a person out, and I wondered for a couple years recently if I could remain an active member. Long story short, I decided I could after being spiritually hit over the head by M. Russell Ballard's,
"To Whom Shall We Go?" talk and feeling God was telling me "make your own way" (i.e., do things in a way that feels genuine, and don't be afraid to speak up or say no as needed). I need what I recognize as the Holy Ghost or Spirit as an antidote to cynicism, sarcasm, and dark thoughts, and I have felt that Spirit again and again when I invest in my spirituality. Some of that I could experience on my own, without organized religion, but some of the direction and insights I've had could only come from knowing, serving, and worshiping with other humans in the various congregations I've been a part of. Plus that sense of community is an incredibly valuable thing these days, and I've made a number of serious promises to stick with it.
Honorable mention to podcasts--I'd give up TV before them if forced to choose. Current favorites are The Armstrong and Getty Show, Fresh Air with Terry Gross, and Professor Blastoff (not exactly current, but I'm catching up on past episodes). Listening while playing Drop 7 is an especially great way to zone out.
